


we're in it for the long ride

by swariiez



Category: Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017)
Genre: F/M, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Friends to Lovers, Pranks and Practical Jokes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-19
Updated: 2017-07-19
Packaged: 2018-12-04 09:51:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,093
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11552679
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/swariiez/pseuds/swariiez
Summary: "I need you," he says slowly. "to fake date me.""Uh, no?" she says while wrinkling her nose as if the thought of it alone disgusts her. Which is, rude."Please, just for a few weeks. I'll even pay you."That seems to catch her attention and she perks up a little."How much are we talking here?" she says with obvious interest."A hundred.""A hundred and fifty," before he has the chance to object she interrupts him. "And you'll do my homework for three weeks. Take it or leave it."He weighs his options and with a dejected sigh he says, "Deal."------------------Or that fake dating AU that's totally not a cliché. (it probably is.)





	we're in it for the long ride

Peter decides that senior year is gonna be the _best._

 

Okay, so sophomore year wasn’t exactly a walk on the beach with the whole your girlfriend's dad is trying to kill you and now he's in jail. Add to that, the couple of Chitauri weapons that a _lot_ of people got their hands on. It all worked out in the end though.

If he had to count the number of near-death experiences he's had by the age of seventeen, he's going to need an extra set of hands. Or five.

Back to his point, senior year is going to be awesome. He even has plans: pass all of his exams, get into a good college, go on a few dates and even be a normal high-school student for a _change._

Which means, naturally, it begins to descend to hell before it even starts.

Peter's thinking about getting a job when May clears her throat. He stops eating his pancakes and looks at her in question.

"Yeah?"

"Peter, you know that I try not to meddle with your life much, but I hope you know that I do care about what's going on with your life." She says with a gentle yet firm tone.

He can tell that she's about to go into her 'Parent Mode' setting. He's not concerned though, it's definitely nothing serious.

 

"Yeah, I do."

 

"You can tell me anything, you know."

 

"Uh-huh."

 

"So, I need to know why you sneaked out of the house yesterday."

 

He chokes on his pancakes and hopes that he drops dead right this second. Her tone already says that she knows something or she thinks she does.

"And it's not the stark internship because that was over two years ago."

She can't find out about his secret identity. She'll freak out, she'll get in danger, she'll …

"I've been secretly dating MJ for three months." He blurts out without thinking.

"What?" She asks confusion written all over her face. "Why haven’t you told me? You know I love MJ."

I haven’t told you because it's not real he wants to say, but he's already way too deep into this. With the threat of Thanos looming over them, he hasn’t given much thought to his sneaking around.

"I mean it's still new, and it's not like I didn’t want to tell you … it just never came up I guess." He says hoping that he sounds convincing.

"Well then you have to bring her over for dinner. Tomorrow. At seven. No excuses."

Oh, fuck

***

 

"Um," MJ says. "What?"

"Oh, c'mon, Michelle you heard me." Peter says and grips the coffee cup in his hands harder.

He texted her as soon as May got out of the house and they're currently sitting on a bench. He hoped that he would be able to bribe her with coffee and a muffin. It doesn’t look like its working, at all.

"Yeah, I heard you. Doesn’t mean I understand though."

The only reason Peter blurted out her name before he had the chance to come up with a better plan is because they've been friends for two years now, and besides Ned, she's the only one who knows about his crime-fighting alter ego.

"I need _you,_ " he says slowly. "to fake date me."

"Uh, no?" she says while wrinkling her nose as if the thought of it alone disgusts her. Which is, _rude._

"Please, just for a few weeks. I'll even pay you. _"_

That seems to catch her attention and she perks up a little.

"How much are we talking here?" she says with obvious interest.

"A hundred."

"A hundred and fifty," before he has the chance to object she interrupts him. "And you'll do my homework for three weeks. Take it or leave it."

He weighs his options and with a dejected sigh he says, "Deal."

"Oh, man. This is going to be _epic."_

"I swear, if there was anyone else..."

" _If_ which there isn't, or you could just tell your aunt you were lying."

He _could._ But this is easier, and it's intriguing. There's the fear of getting caught and endless possibilities. This is also going to be a convincing cover.

 

"I'll—" Peter starts but gets distracted by his phone ringing. "We'll talk about this more, tonight."

"See you later, babe." She calls from behind him just loud enough for the elderly women walking to hear them. She gives him a small smile and he can almost hear her mutter "Adorable."

Almost.

***

He's sitting at the kitchen bar in Michelle's house, it's 10:30 and they still haven’t came up with a plan yet.

Michelle opens a bag of chips, grabs a handful and starts eating. Obnoxiously.

He's sure she's just doing it to frustrate him even further, she's enjoying this so much and it shows.

Peter grips his hair and tugs at it in frustration.

"Relax buddy, you're going to give yourself a migraine."

"Can you at least pretend that you're not having fun?"

"Nope." She says with a grin on her face. "But for real, we need to plan this out. What do you have in mind?"

"I—Nothing?" he grimaces. Oh, god he did _not_ think this through.

"You're hopeless." She deadpans. "All right, for starters, we need to come up with a lie for your sneaking around."

"Yeah, yeah. Maybe a late night date?"

"If you tell her that she's going to give you condoms, dude."

"Oh god damn it." Peter regrets this decision. He regrets it so much. But he can't… he can't back out of it. Because as _horribly awful_ as this situation is, the face May would give him if he told her the truth… that would be worse.

So, he can do this. He has to do this.

"Ugh, this is so hard."

"Calm down, we'll figure it out." After a few seconds of silence she says. "Maybe we've been to a party that some kid threw, you didn’t want to tell her because obviously she doesn’t know about us."

"Yeah, this could work. My curfew would explain the sneaking."

"All right, how did we start dating?"

"What?" Peter asks.

"Uh, we've been friends for two years. It's the whole friends-to-lovers scenario. We need a tipping point, you know? Like you saw me walk out with some guy and got jealous."

"Huh," Peter says.

 For a guy who came up with the idea, Peter realizes that he's clueless about this type of stuff.

 

"I told Ned, by the way." She grabs her phone and starts typing something. "He has to know so he can help us out."

"What are you doing?" gesturing towards the phone in her hands.

"Notes." She says. "When did we start dating, Peter?"

"Three months ago."

"You saw me on a date at the coffee shop, got jealous, declared your intention and _bam_."

"Why am I the one who realizes their feelings?"

 

"Okay," she rolls her eyes. "I'm the one who saw you got jealous and asked you out. Fine?"

"Fine." Peter says.

"And I kissed you first. God knows you don’t have the balls to do it."

"Hey-"

"Also," she interrupts. "We need to go on a few fake dates. You know, the movies, an Italian restaurant, a picnic, the whole nine-yards."

"You don’t like picnics." He points out.

She gives him a hard stare and he raises his hands in defense.

***

The next day, Peter is prepared for the most awkward dinner ever. It isn’t until he hears the doorbell ring that Peter realizes that they haven't—

He hears May open the door and welcome MJ inside.

Oh, well.

He quickly rushes down the stairs and is greeted with May suffocating MJ in a tight grip.

"Hey," he says after May releases her.

"God, Peter, you're so awkward." May laughs.

Michelle gives him a look as if she's expecting something, and he's about to ask her what's wrong before she grabs the collar of his shirt and gives him a quick peck on the lips.

Oh.

He can feel his face flush and his heart starts to beat faster.

"If it was up to Peter we'd be standing here all day." Michelle jokes.

"Peter's always been a little shy with affection. One time, he was—"

"Nope, not going there. You _promised_ you won't tell anyone." He recovers just in time to stop an incredibly embarrassing story.

"Okay, okay. I won't tell. Let's have dinner."

 

"So Peter, how did you and MJ start dating?" May passes the salad with a smile that Peter could almost say _predatory._ "I'm picturing a really romantic love declaration."

"Actually," Michelle glances at Peter for a second. "He was talking to some girl, when I asked him about it, he started stammering and blurted out that he asked her out on a date. I got jealous and I kind of said that I had a crush on him." She glances back at Peter and gives him a fond look. Wow, she's good at this.

"Oh poor girl, she must've been heartbroken when she saw you guys together."

"She was. Because she had a crush on me. Believe me it was as awkward as it sounds." Michelle says with a small laugh.

Is she improvising?

"You sound like you have a lot of admirers, Michelle."

"Yeah, and this idiot over here won me over."

"What an honor," he says wryly, reaching over to lace his fingers through MJ’s. She gives him a soft look through half-lidded eyes, and Peter suddenly can’t breathe through the lump in his throat. 

This is an act, Peter reminds himself.

The rest of dinner passes by without a hitch. All of their lies convince May, and he feels a little bad about it. But he reminds himself that this is for the greater good.

***

"That went well." Peter says quietly. They're huddled together near the sink, he's washing the dishes while Michelle dries them off and puts them in the dishwasher. "Thanks for helping me out."

 

"I'm getting paid for my efforts," –Michelle knocks their shoulders together in a joking matter–  "We are going to be the most adorable fucking couple May has ever seen."

Peter … Peter doesn't know what to say to that. To be honest, he's a little terrified.

"She already likes you. She'll probably be pissed at  _me_  when we break it off, so don't worry about that."

"Damn right she does, I'm the perfect fucking girlfriend."

Peter just rolls his eyes at her, but doesn’t disagree. Because, well, she _is._

He doesn’t think anyone will be nervous to bring her over for dinner. That is if they weren’t lying about dating one another.

Minor details.

He hears May's footsteps and Michelle quickly grabs his chin and locks their lips together just in time for her to walk in.

"Hey! No kissing in the kitchen."

Michelle pulls away and winks at him, before turning and acting shameful.

"Sorry." Peter says with a bashful smile.

"Yeah, yeah. Now which one?" she asks while holding up two movies.

"Empire strikes back, of-course."

"I knew I liked her for a reason." May walks out of the kitchen leaving them to finish off the rest of the dishes before joining her in the living room.

***

"I just don't think it's that big of a deal," Ned says, sitting down at a double desk in the chemistry room.

Peter slides into the seat beside him and leans in to whisper. "Not a big deal? Ned, you only say this because you're not the one who has to --" he looks around to make sure no one is listening, and as far as he can tell, no one is "— fake date Michelle."

"So it was like The Proposal, only no engagement ring." Ned says with a smirk, bobbing his head in that way that means he thinks he's being funny. "Like, fake but … but no one is getting deported."

"You're lame," Peter says flatly, then moves his arms. "I'm saying that it needs to be perfect! Or she finds out that we're lying, then she finds the suit, then she won't let me be an avenger anymore."

"Um, okay," Ned says with a shrug. "I think you're exaggerating."

" _Exaggerating_?" Peter slumps back in his chair. "Do you even know Aunt May? You're not going to help me?"

"Well, to be fair -- and this is all props to you, seriously -- you're the one who lies his ass off all the time. You're good at it."

"I didn't do anything," Peter says grumpily. "Well, nothing that was helpful. Michelle did all the work, let me tell you -- seriously, if she's not off to win the Nobel prize by the time she's twenty-five she needs to consider a career in acting."

Ned gives him a bored look. "Well then, I guess you're all set, aren't you?"

"No, shut up. I need your help, you're my man in the chair."

"Yeah in crime-fighting situations. Not pretending to be your significant other." Ned snorts. As if the idea of being his boyfriend is ridiculous.

"First Michelle and now you, am I really not boyfriend material?"

"No, no. You're totally awesome just," he looks at Peter up and down, "not my type, I prefer them on the muscular side."

Offended at the jab, Peter starts to respond but is cut off by Mr. Adams standing up at the front of the room, signaling the start of their first class of the year.

"Mr. Parker," he says. "Are you done with your little chat so I can start our class?"

 "Of course. No problem." He reaches down into his backpack and pulls out his binder.

"Now, if I can get everyone's attention, we'll start by going through this year's syllabus, and I can tell you about the wonderful exam that's worth half your final grade."

Everyone groans. Peter the loudest, but he has a lot of reasons for that.

***

When Peter leaves class, he's cornered at his locker by Michelle.

"Michelle!" He whispers. "don’t sneak up on me! You know what happens when people sneak up on me? I react based on instincts. I do _not_ want people finding out my secret."

"Relax, you drama queen." She rolls her eyes. "It's just that if we're gonna play the part, we gotta look like it."

"What?"

"Man, are you always this dense?" she says with an annoyed sigh. "I'm your girlfriend remember? Walk me to class."

Right. His girlfriend. He grabs his things and slams the locker shut. They start walking towards their shared History class.

"Put your arm around my shoulders, dumbass." She whispers.

He complies and she smiles at his discomfort when people start staring and whispering. He has a feeling that she's enjoying this a lot more than she lets on, and plans on milking every second of it for the next three weeks.

Fine, then. Two can play this game. He decides that he'll have his payback, as soon as possible. Right after school, in fact.

***

Okay, maybe not right after school then. He has this whole saving the people of New York thing going on first.

"You! Hey, stop!" he sees a man coming out of a jewelry shop a panicked look on his eyes. He quickly shoots his web at a nearby sign and uses it to get down.

"Don't worry, I'm on it."

He hears someone shout from behind him, "Hey! It's spider-man."

But he's already slinging from one building to another to pay him any mind.

He finally spots them, two criminals hiding behind an alleyway. Their shoulders touching and from the looks of it, exchanging stolen items.

"Look, just give me the stuff and I'll let you guys go." Peter says before dropping to his feet.

They both turn around, alarmed at the voice. They look around trying to find an escape route.

I mean, c'mon, it's an alleyway, does it get anymore cliché?

"You have nothing to with this, spandex boy." A man spits out before pulling a blade. "Walk away and you won't get hurt."

Apparently, it does.

"Spandex boy? Is that your best insult? I've fought endless of bad guys; you guys are just practice."

He doesn’t mean to sound cocky, but he has to find a way to intimidate them.

The thugs hesitate, sending glances back and forth, attack or retreat. It could go either way.   
  
Then one man quickly lunges for him, but he easily blocks it.

The other man tries to stab him with the blade, but Peter grabs his hand and flicks it away.

Before his reflexes kick in, the other bulkier guy punches him in the face. Man, this is going to bruise.

He tries to analyze their fighting pattern and soon enough, manages to get the upper hand.

Shooting his web at both of them at the same time, he quickly leaves the scene.

Just as soon as the police pulls up around the corner.

***

"All right," Michelle spits out as she storms towards their lunch table. "Which one of you shitheads did it?"

"Did what?" Ned asks, and man, Peter will always be appreciative of Ned's ability to play dumb.

"Sneaked up to my room, wrapped half of my books in wrapping paper and abused the duct tape."  Michelle explodes. "It took me two hours to unwrap them! You're the only two that know my work hours."

"I have no idea what you're talking about." Peter says even though he's dying of laughter on the inside.

"The wrapping paper had spiders on it!" Michelle says while pinching the bridge of her nose.

"Uh, early Christmas present, babe?" he says with a small snicker.

"Oh, you're _on_ Parker." She says an evil smirk creeping up on her face.

"It's payback for you obviously enjoying," he looks around before whispering, "our agreement."

"Oh, I am. And I'll enjoy pranking you even more."

Leaning down she whispers in his ear, "you better watch your back spidey-boy."

He doesn’t know if his shiver is from fear or arousal. He doesn’t give himself the time to think about it much.

 

In physics, Cindy passes him a note that reads, "Are you two fighting? Aaron said that Michelle looked angry at lunch."

Looking up to see that their teacher isn’t paying attention he quickly writes down: "No, just pulled a harmless prank on her. She wasn’t that mad."

Cindy scribbles something down and passes the note right back to him.

"It's never good to make your girlfriend mad. You have to make it up for her."

 

Oh, well. He thinks it's a little too late for that.


End file.
